Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Be Reminded By Jealousy ...

"Jealousy points to your false hopes of fulfillment."  ~David Deida

If you think money will make you happy, then you will be jealous of wealthy people. If you think sex will fulfill you, then you will be jealous of passionate lovers. Whenever you believe that something or someone, some insight or some experience will truly make you happy, you are wrong. Only opening as you are is true happiness. You suffer jealousy when you forget this.

Jealousy is the sting of false hope. Even when you get that for which you are jealous—a beautiful girlfriend, fame, a man who truly loves you, great success—nothing essential changes. You are open or closed, various experiences come and go, everything gained is threatened by loss, and nothing is quite as fulfilling as your jealousy promises. 

Many people have less than you do. They are jealous of you. If they were you, how blissful would they be right now?

Bliss is the nature of deep openness. Nothing other than openness—not money, knowledge, or relationship—truly increases or decreases your bliss. This is easy to understand. Still, you are probably jealous of certain people. You want what they have.

This feeling of jealousy is a useful sign. Feel it fully. Part of you hates them for having what you don’t. Part of you justifies that you are better off without it. Part of you feels inferior for not having it. Part of you tries to feel superior by not needing it.

This complex wad of jealousy is a sign that you aren’t relaxed as
openness. If you are jealous of someone who seems to have a good intimate relationship, then you are refusing to open fully with the relationship (or lack of relationship) that you do have. You still hope for something more. You still are requiring a change of relationship before you are willing to surrender wide open as love. 

This sense of waiting, as if the future might offer you something more fulfilling than this moment, is the essence of jealous suffering. Your heart and body clench with stress as you refuse to open now. Jealousy is a sign that you are waiting.

Suppose you are jealous because your friend has five million dollars in the bank. Feel your jealousy with precision. Is it hot or cold? Red or black? Sharp or dull? Do you feel jealous in your belly or heart? Feel every sensation, and also feel the emotional roots of your sensations.

The knot in your gut, for instance, is probably rooted in your feeling of insufficiency. You are waiting for a future event—having more money—to make you feel sufficiently secure to open. You are waiting, actively refusing to open as unbound consciousness and love right now. You believe that if you only had what your friend has—more money—then the moment would be sufficient, and you would be able to relax open. 
The truth is that you can open as every moment, exactly as painful or pleasurable as it is. You are open as the entire moment now or to some degree closing—unwilling to feelingly breathe all into your deep heart and offer all wide open to infinity—therefore suffering your tension, waiting for future fulfillment or release. 
You may need to follow in your friend’s footsteps, acquire riches, and surround yourself in the image of your relief. Then, sitting in the midst of your acquisitions, the evidence will be incontrovertible: Something still feels missing. Still, you are jealous of someone or something. Still waiting.

While you are unwilling to open as you are, jealousy reminds you of what you are waiting for. Keep searching for that thing until the search is exhausted, until your life feels meaningless, until you have tried and tried and you still feel unfulfilled by what you have or haven’t acquired. 

Whenever you are ready, this moment is sufficient. You can open deeply right now. Your relief, your fulfillment in any moment, is as unbounded as your openness. 

In moments of envy, seethe in the pang of jealousy without consolation. Be jealous fully, without closing. Open wide as possible even while squirming as jealousy. Breathe the entire moment in and out of your jealous heart. Allow the moment’s presence to penetrate into your deepest heart, and allow your heart to give love outward without limit, feeling out beyond all you can sense or know. As jealousy wide open, look into your friend’s eyes and see that his openness is the same openness you are. 

Your life is adorned with various gains and losses, pleasures and pains. In the midst of every present moment, you are either opening or closing. You are either feeling all while giving your deepest gifts of love or you are waiting.

Jealousy is the stress of being reminded that you are waiting ...

From Blue Truth by David Deida, Chapter 16

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