Thursday, November 3, 2011

Be Aware of the Habitual Apology...

Apologizing is important when we have done something that hurts someone else or is a mistake. We all should take responsibility for our actions and sometimes that includes an apology. The problem comes in when someone consistently does something wrong and believes that an apology will make it all better.

I have had people in my life who continually hurt my feelings, overlooked requests that I made, or ignored my personal boundaries. When I would bring this up to them, they would apologize and tell me how sorry they were. And then they would do it again. Some people think apologies give them permission to do whatever they want. If they get in trouble, they will simply apologize.

Apologies are not licenses to step over people and do whatever we please. If someone is not aware that what he is doing is inappropriate, he needs to be told. The second time he needs a warning and the third time he is out. As the saying goes, “Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me three times and something is very wrong.”

People should apologize for harm they cause. The first time we can understand. The second time we need to give them a warning and let them know what will happen if it ever happens again and the third time they are out. If someone cannot learn what is acceptable, then there is something much deeper going on.

If the person who is causing the infraction is a boss or is someone else not easily dismissed in your life, then you might need to seek support in dealing with this person. No one has the right to yell at you, physically harm you, or demean you in anyway. If this is happening to you, you need to seek an in house grievance procedure or seek the appropriate legal guidance.

How many times do you accept an apology?

“The only correct actions are those that demand no explanation and no apology.”  ~Red Auerbach

Rachelle Disbennett-Lee, PhD provides daily motivation, information and inspiration to thousands
of people through her award winning e-zine 365 Days of Coaching.  For a free report, "The Power of Daily Action - How to create more Wealth, Health and Happiness by Tapping Into the Power of Daily Action" go to 
© Coach Rachelle Disbennett Lee, PhD, 2007

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