Monday, November 28, 2011

Take Responsibility ...

"Everything that you are or ever hope to be is completely up to you!"
  
Is that scary… painful?

Yes, I know, you were born on the wrong side of the tracks, your parents abused and neglected you, the teacher gave you detention and your high school sweetheart broke your heart. Understand this—your environment and circumstances influence who you are but you are totally responsible for who you become. Undoubtedly, you can make a sound argument that your past experiences have negatively impacted your life but blaming, justifying and complaining will get you nowhere. Stop polishing these experiences and presenting them as the reason why your life isn’t working the way you would like it to work. The harsh truth is that you have not yet accepted 100% responsibility for your life.

Accepting personal responsibility is recognizing that the Calvary isn’t coming. While you may and will need the help of others to reach your goals, the onus is on you to orchestrate your own rescue. As they say, “If it’s to be, it’s up to me!”

Just imagine an athlete at the Olympics standing at the start of their event worrying about what happened in the competition two months ago, what went wrong in practice last week or what the coach said to them yesterday. They are there, at the start knowing fully well that their performance in the race is totally within their control… today… in this moment and is not dictated by some event that happened in the past.

Charles Givens reminds us that, “You have to let go of your past in order to effectively design your future.” In other words you have to accept yourself and your current circumstances, and stop wishing things were

Sunday, November 27, 2011

You Are You ...

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within."  ~Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross

You are strong. . . when you take your grief and teach it to smile.

You are brave. . . when you overcome your fear and help others to do the same.

You are happy. . . when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing.

You are loving. . . when your own pain does not blind you to the pain of others.

You are wise. . . when you know the limits of your wisdom.

You are true. . . when you admit there are times you fool yourself.

You are alive. . . when tomorrow's hope means more to you than yesterday's mistake.

You are growing. . . when you know what you are but not what you will become

 You are free. . . when you are in control of yourself and do not wish to control others.

You are honorable. . . when you find your honor is to honor others.

You are generous. . . when you can take as sweetly as you can give.

You are humble. . . when you do not know how humble you are.

You are thoughtful. . . when you see me just as I am and treat me just as you are.

You are merciful. . . when you forgive in others the faults you condemn in yourself.

You are beautiful. . . when you don't need a mirror to tell you.

You are rich. . . when you never need more than what you have.

You are you. . . when you are at peace with who you are not.


"You have within you all of the strength and wisdom you could
ever need.  Never doubt that.  Never fear to draw upon it."
~ Susan Santucci



To read more beautiful poems such as this one visit Positive Thoughts >>

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Drop the Mask. and Be Yourself...

Shared Wisdom – How to Drop Your Mask & Reconnect to Your Soul

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Pause, Reflect, Be Kind...

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."  ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"Look kindly upon all people for you cannot fathom what epic tragedy lies behind their desperate situation in life. Everyone is struggling in one way or another. You cannot measure how much love they have in their hearts." - Dr. Jeff Mullen
This is a time for pause and reflection, a time to take inventory of all your blessings in life and be truly thankful. Not because it's Thanksgiving but rather because you are moved by your heart to do so. Then find someone who is struggling with the sting of adversity and offer them what you have and take for granted everyday. Let them know they matter, show them someone cares and lend them a helping hand. Even the smallest act of kindness may give someone who has given up a reason to hope and go on. In this world of so much and so many, no one should ever feel alone. . .
 
  "Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action." ~W.J. Cameron
"Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and shows itself in deeds."  ~Theodore Roosevelt


Saturday, November 19, 2011

The 100/0 Principle...

"When you take authentic responsibility for a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well."

An excerpt from The 100/0 Principle...
by Al Ritter 

What is the most effective way to create and sustain great relationships with others? It's The 100/0 Principle: You take full responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.

Implementing
The 100/0 Principle is not natural for most of us. It takes real commitment to the relationship and a good dose of self-discipline to think, act and give 100 percent.

The 100/0 Principle
applies to those people in your life where the relationships are too important to react automatically or judgmentally. Each of us must determine the relationships to which this principle should apply. For most of us, it applies to work associates, customers, suppliers, family and friends.

Step 1
- Determine what you can do to make the relationship work...then do it. Demonstrate respect and kindness to the other person, whether he/she deserves it or not.

Step 2
- Do not expect anything in return. Zero, zip, nada.

Step 3
- Do not allow anything the other person says or does (no matter how annoying) to affect you. In other words, don't take the bait.

Step 4
- Be persistent with your graciousness and kindness. Often we give up too soon, especially when others don't respond in kind. Remember to expect nothing in return.

At times (usually few), the relationship can remain challenging, even toxic, despite your 100 percent commitment and self-discipline. When this occurs, you need to avoid being the "Knower" and shift to being the "Learner." Avoid Knower statements/thoughts like "that won't work," "I'm right, you are wrong," "I know it and you don't," "I'll teach you," "that's just the way it is," "I need to tell you what I know," etc.


Instead use Learner statements/thoughts like "Let me find out what is going on and try to understand the situation," "I could be wrong," "I wonder if there is anything of value here," "I wonder if..." etc. In other words, as a Learner, be curious!


Principle Paradox


This may strike you as strange, but here's the paradox: When you take authentic responsibility for a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well. Consequently, the 100/0 relationship quickly transforms into something approaching 100/100. When that occurs, true breakthroughs happen for the individuals involved, their teams, their organizations, and their families. 


Want to learn more? See how The 100/0 Principle works.   >>

Friday, November 18, 2011

Avoid Discouragement ...

Ten Thoughts to Help You Avoid Discouragement ...

1.  Look at life as a journey and enjoy the ride.  Get the most out of the detours and realize they're sometimes necessary.

2.  Do your best, but if what you're doing has caused you discouragement, try a different approach.  Be passionate about the process, but don't be so attached to the outcome.

3.  Wish the best for everyone, with no personal strings attached.  Applaud someone else's win as much as you would your own.

4.  Trust that there's a divine plan, that we don't always know what's best for us.  A disappointment now could mean a victory later, so don't be disappointed.  There is usually a reason.

5.  Ask no more of yourself than the best that you can do, and be satisfied with that.  Be compassionate towards yourself as well as others.  Know your calling, your gift, and do it well.

6.  Don't worry about something after it's done; it's out of your hands then, too late, over!  Learn the lesson and move on.

7.  Have the attitude that no one, except you, owes you anything.  Give without expecting a thank-you in return.  But when someone does something for you, be appreciative of even the smallest gesture.

8.  Choose your thoughts or your thoughts will choose you; they will free you or keep you bound.  Educate your spirit and give it authority over your feelings.

9.  Judge no one, and disappointment and forgiveness won't be an issue.  No one can let you down if you're not leaning on them.  People can't hurt you unless you allow them to.

10.  Love anyway. . . for no reason. . . and give. . . just because. 


By Donna Fargo | Positive Thoughts

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Seek Your Own Approval...


"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation."- John Wooden

Do you find yourself being worried about what other people think about you? Or overly concerned about what others say about you? While it is natural for each of us to seek the approval of others, those who are self-confident and have a high self-esteem are able to discount the negative opinions of others and to remain assured of their own self worth.

To become less concerned with what people might be thinking, and less upset by negative things others may say...
  1. Never guess what others might be thinking.
  2. Value Yourself
  3. Live your own life
  4. Make your own choices.
  5. Value your own opinions.
  6. Choose to associate mostly with positive people who support you.
Never guess what others might be thinking.

Don't make assumptions.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
- Robert J. Hanlon

You cause yourself much unnecessary suffering when you waste your time and energy imagining that others may intend you harm. You truly have no idea what anyone else is thinking. Train yourself to avoid making any assumptions about what others may be thinking - and train yourself to avoid making any assumptions about why other people choose to do or to say something - or to not do or to not say

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Forgive Yourself...


"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. " ~Mahatma Gandhi
“I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable.
But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. ...So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. 
You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that's rough. But you can overcome that. 
The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.”  ~ Maya Angelou
Just remember... that  when you do something wrong, even when you fail, even when you make poor choices, it doesn't make you a bad person or a failure. No doubt you will punish yourself enough for your mistakes. The question is: Will you try to do the right thing next time? Will you learn from your mistakes? Will you keep on loving and caring to the best of your ability? We will ALL make mistakes. Learn from them. Make things right. Forgive yourself and then move on. Life is simply too short to waste it any other way but happy!


"Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes
and move on."
 
~E. H. Chapin
 
 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A Bit of Inspiration...

"If you don't have love for yourself, it's impossible to give love to others. You can't give away what you don't have." ~Joyce Meyer
Have you ever read a great quote and thought, “Why didn’t I think of that? It is so simple!
This is the power of brilliantly said self-help quotes – they pass through your mind and find immediate response in your heart.

It does not matter if you read them when you are 10 or 87, they will still remind and inspire you to be kinder, to dream bolder, to work harder, to forgive faster, and to love deeper without expecting anything in return.

I noticed long ago that whenever I start my day with a positive and inspiring quote it is much easier for me to stay focused on the things I prize the most and to be more patient with myself and those around me.

Today I thought maybe you too are in need of some motivation and positive energy. If this is the case, I want to share with you some carefully selected Self Help Quotes that are very dear to my heart. I hope that they will inspire you to continue improving yourself (because that is what all great quotes are supposed to do).

1. “The best way to predict the future is to create it.”
Peter F. Drucker

2. “Believe in Yourself and there will come a day when others will have no choice but to believe with you.”
Cynthia Kersey

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Blind Girl...


There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.                 
  She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.  
   She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'    
                                                                                 
 One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she 
              was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.               
                                                                                 
        He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'        
  The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his   
 closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at 
            them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.            
                                                                                 
   Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying:    
  'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were   
                                     mine.'                                      
                                                                                 
        This is how the human brain often works when our 

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Respecting Boundaries...

"You set your loved ones free when you try to understand them."
Human relationships seem contradictory because two paradoxical, true things happen. First, every person wants connection, closeness, and intimacy. Second, every person wants to be free and autonomous. These two needs are apparently in conflict. The closer someone gets to us, the less free we sometimes feel.

Which will we choose if we have to choose: connection or freedom? People almost always pick freedom. The Bible indicates that freedom is a gift from the Lord and without it, one would not be able to feel delight—to be happy. Love and freedom are closely intertwined.

A functional relationship must strike a balance between intimacy and freedom. When a problem arises in a relationship, no matter what the area of conflict is, the real issue is often power. Who is in charge, you or me? Boundaries are on the line.

There are two categories of boundaries in a relationship,

Friday, November 11, 2011

You can always turn it around...

''Every moment that passes by is another chance to turn it all around.''

You are the light of the world.

Follow your inner star to sparkle and always strive to shine in your own special and unique way.

Always remember that no matter what happens in your life, whether it be by someone, something that happened, or even your own wrong doing that you have a beautiful soul, and of course, an outer body and a personality, which can over come anything... anything at all!

But your soul is your center.

Your soul is the part of you that is eternal, and it cannot  be hurt nor destroyed so long as you take action to love, take care of, and preserve it.

You deserve happiness.  Don't ever let anyone or anything get in the way of that or make you feel or believe any different!

Affirm today that your life can only be enriched by whatever your life experiences are.  Utilize your feelings as guidance, not to become discouraged but instead to learn, grow and decide where to go next from where ever it is that you are in life at the moment.

I believe that laughing, loving, sharing and showing kindness are all natural, normal spontaneous expressions that feed the soul.

So, don’t worry, smile in the face of adversity,let the small stuff roll off your back, and never ever give up your right to be happy.
  "There are two primary choices in life; to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them."   - Denis Waitley
 

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Have a Grateful Attitude...

Benefits of having a grateful attitude...

You cannot welcome more abundance into your life until you have said to the universe truly, "Hey, thanks for all I have". 

Find out more about the importance of being grateful and why giving gratitude completes the circle of receiving.

You can also place yourself in a better mood by being thankful. 

You will find you are in a much more optimistic state after you've spent a few minutes reflecting about your blessings and feeling grateful for them. Compassion and kindness will probably fill your heart.

Besides, being grateful is a wonderful tool to attract what we want into our lives: Mike Dooley gives all the keys to create the life of our dreams in "Infinite Possibilities".

What are YOU most thankful for? 

Let the world know and rave about what makes your heart sing using the form below!  You can also read what other visitors of the site have shared at the bottom of the page.

The obstacle

 

The problem is that when things are given to us over and over, we start taking them for granted or we forget being appreciative of what we receive.

You can overcome this tendency by dedicating some time daily just to be thankful maintaining an attitude of gratitude.

How?

 

Simply sit somewhere where you are not disturbed. Think of anything you have (examples below).

It is not a matter of comparison, but think for a second about the millions of people who are not blessed with what you have, or are simply in a worse condition than you. 

Realize that you could easily not have had all the things you do have.

Say "thanks" internally. Some people like saying "thanks" loudly. 

You can use these thankful phrases to express what you are grateful for, or find inspiration in these thankful quotes

You can start a gratitude journal in which to record what you are thankful for, or you could also use a gratitude rock.

Through gratitude you can also make an investment in positive energy which won't cost you a cent.

Examples of what you can be thankful for:

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Worth While...

It is easy enough to be pleasant
When life flows by like a song,
But the man worth while is the one who will smile when everything goes dead wrong.

For the test of the heart is trouble,
And it always comes with the years,
And the smile that is worth the praises of earth
Is the smile that shines through tears.

It is easy enough to be prudent
When nothing tempts you to stray,
When without or within no voice of sin
Is luring your soul away;
But it's only a negative virtue
Until it is tried by fire,
And the life that is worth the honor on earth
Is the one that resists desire.

By the cynic, the sad, the fallen,
Who had no strength for the strife,
The world's highway is cumbered to-day -
They make up the sum of life;
But the virtue that conquers passion,
And the sorrow that hides in a smile -
It is these that are worth the homage on earth,
For we find them but once in a while.


by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Friday, November 4, 2011

Life is a Theater...

Invite Your Audience Carefully...

Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives.
 
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a DISTANCE.
 
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize your time with, draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships. 

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention...

Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of Your Life.

"If you cannot change the people around you, CHANGE the people you are around."

Remember that the people we spend time with will have an impact on both our lives and our income. And so we must be careful to choose the people we spend the most time with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds.

We should not share our dreams with negative people, Nor feed our dreams with negative thoughts.

It's your choice and your life..... It's up to you who and what you let in it...

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Be Aware of the Habitual Apology...

Apologizing is important when we have done something that hurts someone else or is a mistake. We all should take responsibility for our actions and sometimes that includes an apology. The problem comes in when someone consistently does something wrong and believes that an apology will make it all better.

I have had people in my life who continually hurt my feelings, overlooked requests that I made, or ignored my personal boundaries. When I would bring this up to them, they would apologize and tell me how sorry they were. And then they would do it again. Some people think apologies give them permission to do whatever they want. If they get in trouble, they will simply apologize.

Apologies are not licenses to step over people and do whatever we please. If someone is not aware that what he is doing is inappropriate, he needs to be told. The second time he needs a warning and the third time he is out. As the saying goes, “Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me three times and something is very wrong.”

People should apologize for harm they cause. The first time we can understand. The second time we need to give them a warning and let them know what will happen if it ever happens again and the third time they are out. If someone cannot learn what is acceptable, then there is something much deeper going on.

If the person who is causing the infraction is a boss or is someone else not easily dismissed in your life, then you might need to seek support in dealing with this person. No one has the right to yell at you, physically harm you, or demean you in anyway. If this is happening to you, you need to seek an in house grievance procedure or seek the appropriate legal guidance.

How many times do you accept an apology?



“The only correct actions are those that demand no explanation and no apology.”  ~Red Auerbach






Rachelle Disbennett-Lee, PhD provides daily motivation, information and inspiration to thousands
of people through her award winning e-zine 365 Days of Coaching.  For a free report, "The Power of Daily Action - How to create more Wealth, Health and Happiness by Tapping Into the Power of Daily Action" go to http://www.365daysofcoaching.com/daily_action.htm 
© Coach Rachelle Disbennett Lee, PhD, 2007


Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Defeat Your Fear...

 Much of our suffering in life stems from thoughts of not having enough and not being enough. 
These thoughts stir up all kinds of fears that grip us with such force we can’t even see the distortion they cause. We fail to see our greatness. We focus on what’s missing. We conform and we hide who we really are, hoping that others will accept, value and love us.

The good news is that we can reduce our  internal fears through the simple act of appreciation. Appreciation stops the brain from streaming those self-destructive messages that drain your energy.It’s a neurological fact. The brain cannot be in a state of appreciation and fear at the same time. This means that when we choose to live with appreciation we naturally reduce fear and increase resilience.

Remember that fear only runs as deep as the mind allows it to!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Never Settle...

"Go after what you want. Do whatever it takes.  Never settle." ~ Michael Salomon

Settling is about not embracing what is best for you and accepting what you really don't want. When you settle, you accept less than you deserve. Settling becomes a habit and a way of life, but it doesn't have to be. According to Maureen Dowd, "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for"


People settle every day in every way. They settle for unsatisfying jobs, boring lives, and stale relationships. People settle in part because they don't realize they can have better or even that they deserve better. People also settle because of fear. Fear holds us back from embracing what we really want. According to Bo Bennett, "Every day, people settle for less than they deserve. They are only partially living or at best living a partial life. Every human being has the potential for greatness."


The only way to truly embrace your greatness is to stop settling. You have to stop settling for a job that isn't challenging, a life that isn't fulfilling, and relationships that are uninspiring. Life is way too short to settle.

How do you break the cycle of settling? Start small, start slow and start now. Begin with the small decisions you make and work your way up. Settling has become a habit and a way of life; so don't expect to change the habit immediately. Begin by having only the objects in your life that you love. Don't buy things just because they are on sale. Purchase only items that you love for your home and for yourself. I changed washing detergents because I thought I found a better deal, but when my clothes became dingy, I knew I had settled for a cheaper brand, not a better deal. I immediately switched back to my favorite. Those are the kinds of things you want to begin with. 

Notice where you settle for less, and where your life is looking dingy.


"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for"





Rachelle Disbennett-Lee, PhD provides daily motivation, information and inspiration to thousands
of people through her award winning e-zine 365 Days of Coaching.  For a free report, "The Power of Daily Action - How to create more Wealth, Health and Happiness by Tapping Into the Power of Daily Action" go to http://www.365daysofcoaching.com/daily_action.htm 
© Coach Rachelle Disbennett Lee, PhD, 2007